Manicure 2I emailed this photo to a partner once. If I remember correctly the subject line read ‘manicured’. A teasing photo to show off a fresh shave and a new manicure. And you know what, full disclosure – I’d applied a dab of concealer because I had an ugly spot from an ingrown hair. It glowed like a belisha beacon and to my mind didn’t make the photo that hot. I wanted his cock to twitch, not for his mind to think ‘ooh, that looks a bit painful!

But would I dab a bit of make-up on before opening the door to a lover? Errr, no! No more than I would arrange my legs as I do for a photo, or angle myself to create an allusion of cleavage that if you look at me straight on is actually more of a nice wide highway through my chest up to my neck! And no more than I would expect a lover to hold his cock as he does when creating a glorious photo, or to stand perfectly upright, legs apart in that way that’s just so spine-tinglingly hot when you see it on screen.

Erotic photos are often designed. Created to prompt a reaction – a shiver of anticipation, a lurch in the stomach, a hollow ache. And that’s fine. Photos (and film) are great for that. But if you tried to position yourself like that when you were actually in the same room, you’d just look fucking weird and, more to the point, you would be thinking so much about how you look you’d almost certainly not be in the moment.

When companies like Ann Summers create cynical events like today’s Facebook session on ‘vagina contouring’, advertised with a photo of a full make-up bag but actually promoting a ‘non surgical enhancement’, they are yet again sending a message that in real life women need to ‘beautify’ to look like the well-lit, artfully arranged, air-brushed versions they see in photos and films. Sessions like this, which I am sure the PR would try and tell you is about helping increase women’s self-confidence, just give women something else to worry about. Think about how it feels, not how it looks! If you’re interested in contours I suggest you pop into the far more sex and body positive Sh! – they’ll ply you with fizz and let you have a good old feel of Rosie the vulva puppet. She’s got a very prominent G spot – you can’t miss it!

And if you’re with a man or woman who you think you need to enhance the look of your cunt for, then I suggest dumping them. Find one whose face gets so close the odd ingrown hair is out of focus anyway, who’ll casually pick off a stray bit of tissue without fuss, who’ll ignore or giggle with you at the odd farting sound, and for whom blood is just another fluid that’s occasionally there. Someone who enjoys a real cunt, basically.

30 thoughts on “Manicured

  1. Beautiful and creative photo. Thought provoking thoughts, however when you get that close to tasting the nectar of that beautiful place imperfections are oblivious. 🙂


  2. I made a real mess of shaving when I was younger and often had cuts and scabs! LOL. Practice makes perfect. However, I always leave my pubic triangle untouched, so just do the bits which makes his cunnilingus more fun. Wish I was brave enough to put an image on my blog. I do admire your confidence.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I just love this! So so true! I just read an article last week about the “confessions of a former photo-shopper,” like, it was her real job. Today she refuses to photoshop sizes anymore or whites of eyes or teeth, but will do the random blemish or color-fix. The thing that surprised me the most, though, was the history of image altering and its mainstream adaptations. Did you know, for example, that in the VS bathing suit images the models wear actual bras under their bikini tops?! And then they get photoshopped out! All this to say that no woman would ever be able to achieve the lift they see in the image, but they sure will think they should.

    As far as vagina contouring goes… I don’t even know what the fuck to say to that. It’s literally so stupid I can’t think of words to say. But I think you did a fine job 🙂 xx Hy

    Liked by 2 people

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