Being photographed and revealing vulnerabilities

E40_9846.72I wrote about meeting the photographer back in September. It had been a good chemistry test. And good chemistry is important if you’re planning on getting naked with someone.

He was coming to mine after work. The day didn’t get off to an auspicious start. A delivery so early I had to set my alarm to be up in time, a cancelled workman by 8.15, me spending four hours assembling office furniture. And rain. Persistent teeming rain and dismal slate grey sky. Skies made for poems about the Welsh valleys, but equally suited to building Ikea furniture on a Monday in October. By 5pm I was tired, unshowered and unsexy.

I feigned concern about the weather, it being Monday, him having to walk up a hill. Something. Anything. Nothing concerned him.

“Are you in the mood tonight? These pictures are for you so I want you to enjoy it.”

“I would say I am 50:50,” I replied.

Oh, get a grip! A talented, engaging, interesting and charming photographer is coming to my flat to photograph me! A quick trip to the corner shop and I am pouring a glass of wine, sinking into a hot bubble bath and skimming a razor up my legs. I slip into my favourite black dress and before long I am padding barefoot down the stairs to open the front door. I didn’t realise until I opened the door that I’d been feeling nervous, but it’s nice to see him. He has a handsome and friendly face, and I remember how relaxed I felt the first time we met.

I pour wine.

“So, what have you thought about? How would you like to be photographed?”

“I haven’t, really.”

“Come on, tell me.”

“I haven’t. The whole point is I want you to articulate me. I want you to shoot me how you see me, not how I see myself.”

I am playing with my wine glass, avoiding eye contact. His camera is already out.

“What do you like about yourself?”

“My legs, my arse, my smile. My arms are OK.”

“What don’t you like?”

“My breasts and stomach.”

What else don’t you like?”

I feel my defences come up. Is that not enough? Is it not enough to not like the middle bit when we are constantly bombarded with flat stomachs and pert breasts? That aside, I don’t like being challenged. I am open about my vulnerabilities, I wear them with a certain amount of pride, mainly because I spend a significant amount of time chewing them over in my mind before verbalising them. Once they’re out there I want them to be accepted or addressed, but never questioned.

E40_9850.72But he’s pushing the right buttons and I can feel my energy rising. I move in my seat, my feet go up on the table and I shift so my dress slides up. I pretend it’s casual, that I haven’t noticed that he’s dropped to his knees gripping his camera, but I know I am performing.

And I trust him. I know I can be vulnerable. I stand up and slide the dress over my head.

Merci beaucoup, photographer friend! I’ll be sharing your photographs here over the next few weeks so I hope everyone enjoys looking at them as much as I enjoyed having them taken!

15 thoughts on “Being photographed and revealing vulnerabilities

  1. Oh, this is incredibly hot. I’m not sure you were intending it as a bit of erotica, but the whole scenario, from your bad day, to your feet on the table, is perfectly paced and incredibly sexy. I hope we’ll get to see more of this photo shoot 🙂

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  2. “That aside, I don’t like being challenged. I am open about my vulnerabilities, I wear them with a certain amount of pride, mainly because I spend a significant amount of time chewing them over in my mind before verbalising them. Once they’re out there I want them to be accepted or addressed, but never questioned.”

    That resonated so much with me – I have a similar relationship to my vulnerabilities. This post is so sexy and fierce. And the images are beautiful. You and the images are beautiful. What a photo shoot 🙂

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  3. would love to hear more….teasing, teasing, teasing…..

    Showing a vulnerable side of one`s body exhume sexiness and empowerment because it set it free…

    Merci for the little note and …. i always thought that sharing is …..receiving 😉 x

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  5. Hycainth, If i may say “might” “never” and “envious” are difficult words but once stripped naked of these words also suggest a longing for “purpose and desire”… you should try…..and you might be surprise 😉

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  6. I love the hints at this, and the questioning in it. I also like when you say you want to be photographed as someone else sees you, not as you do. That’s how I feel. It’s like with the photos there, and with their interaction at the time, maybe I too can see what they see.
    Ps IKEA furniture seems a blessing and a curse from the goddesses of home nesting.

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